A story of woe (ya, it’s about cars…)

So let me tell you a story. A story of cars. Many cars. With lots of woe and tragedy that befall the sorrowful protagonist…

Our saga opens nigh a few fortnights past. The lovely maiden that doth shares her life with our hero engages in a transaction with the local smithy to correct some troubling misgivings in her primary mode of long distance ambulation. A short time passes, when the offspring of said maiden comes of age and requires a burdensome metal steed of his own. Our hero assists in the carrying out of this search and acquisition and all seems well in the kingdom. Until one fateful night that jabbering box of technology doth ring repeatedly. The offspring has run amok in the hinterlands, not fully understanding the ramifications of cursed alarms and flashing lights. His steed screams and sputters in cries of distress for its sacred fluid of lubrication. With oily substance now absent, the great metal beast gives up the ghost and retires to a place of rust and aged rubber.

But alas! The day is not all lost, as another steed has joined heard the call to hasten to the battlefield. A steed of black, with a name that evokes the image of science and electrification. For sure this metal savior will be the cause of much rejoicing for ages to come. But then, our hero smells a foul odor, burnt and acrid like the pits of Hades. Alas, his own beast of burden had chosen this moment in time to become stricken, unable to contain the viscous fluids that sustain whatever semblance of life that these metal steeds doth enjoy. Many days did pass, and much gold was tendered to the smithy to rejuvenate the fiery red beast to its former glory.

As the deed was completed, the hero sighs, content that the saga is now ended. It would not be so, for upon inspection of the grounds surrounding the castle, our hero did spy yet more droppings of the oily sustenance required by the metal beasts. On this occasion, the newcomer, the black steed of power beauty chose to spread its fluids in a manner most undignified for the nobility of its station. Yet, in distress, there was hope, and the passing of more coinage of gold, and after a moment of exercise in the art of patience, yet again all seemed well.

As the winter winds doth seem to embolden their cry, and the air became more and more like a stinging fly to one’s cheeks, yet again was our hero called into action at the behest of those great beasts of burden. The maiden put forth a hue and cry of agony. Her mighty beast, the color of the bluest ocean, had gone lame. Our hero journeyed far and wide to save his beloved, but upon arriving at her place of distress, he discovered that he lacked both scalpel and bandage, rendering his aid fruitless. Being a man of importance, however, does grant one a station of privilege, and our hero was was quick to call in the cavalry to aid and assist the recovery and rescue of the fair maiden. The salvation was bittersweet, as the recovery of the steed of water also required the distribution of more sacred gold coin.

Upon arriving at the castle, the hero retreated to partake in wine and the fermented sweetness of malted drink. His task at sullen rejuvenation was quickly interrupted again by the squawking box message and mirth. The maiden’s offspring had forgotten to let his steed sleep while performing his nightly labors, and had tired the beast to the point of complete exhaustion. Our hero, still clad in the riaments of daily work proceeded to act as savior and friend, revitalizing the mighty black steed to continue its journey.

All seemed quiet, and our hero was able to imbibe and cavort in his leisure. Until the next morning when the black steed once again showed a stubbornness, and required immediate admonishment. Our hero consulted the scribes and sages of knowledge and discovered a secret to taming the disobedient beast. But not before requiring the consult of the wise and noble smithy, who could elucidate further on the problems of this noble beast. Yet, this came at the cost of more gold coin, and the fear of more gold coin to come.

So here ends our tale. It is one of woe and sadness, and one that I hope never befalls any of you fine readers.


  • My wife’s car went in for repairs.
  • Her son got a car, but then killed the engine because of a bad oil pump, and not knowing what to do with the oil warning lights.
  • My car then had a rear main seal leak that cost a ton.
  • Then her son’s car had a rear main seal leak that cost a bunch.
  • Then my wife’s car got a flat, and no tire wrench to change it. Had to get it towed and a couple new tires later…
  • Then her son’s car’s battery died, and we had to get a new battery and another item fixed on it.

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